hopelessness

I cried so loud in the hospital this morning. ALONE! I was in the state of hopelessness. Mom and Ai keep pressuring me to give Caden formula because they believe Caden’s crying is associated with not enough milk.

I asked the nurses and the breastfeeding consultants and they all say differently. Caden would adjust to my milk supply and the decrease in weight in a couple of days after birth is in within the limit.

[Mom said, the doctor can say anything that she wants but if this is hers, she would give the baby formula…yeah right! *sarcastic tone*]

But the pressure has been so hard on me. With no one to talk to and the closest persons (Ai and Mom) are not agreeing with the doctors and not believing in what I believe, I decided to supplement Caden with formula.

I felt so guilty. I felt that I give Caden the 2nd best, not the very best of all.

But I promise myself to do whatever it takes to increase my milk production. The nurses said, I could pump my milk as often as possible (even when the breasts are empty) because that would tell the breast to produce more.

I do hope my milk will be enough for him soon. Some friends said that they mix formula and breastfeeding for the first few months then when their milk is enough, they would stop the formula. So there here is my new plan! So different from my initial one and very disappointment that it did not go through but I think I just need to be patient and keep prying for more milk production soon.

I can’t wait for the day when it’s only my milk that Caden drink! ^_^