Emotional mommy...

I cried last night and this morning! In TWO weeks time, I will have to leave Caden in Singapore for TWO weeks! And now, I felt that he might not be ready for it (or rather...I am not ready to leave him yet.. ^_^)

Although I know that there is still an option of bringing Caden along with us, I also want this trip to be just about Paul and I. After all, he is only home on the weekends for the past 2 years, and when he is home, he would give more of his time for Caden => I only get a small portion of it hehe... which is fine! I agree that Caden needs it more than I do.

Anyway, so I am actually looking forward for this trip together with my husband, if only I don’t have another wonderful little man in my life.

Caden has been acting up pretty bad since last week. He suddenly gets so easily annoyed with everything. And when he is, he would showing it loud and clear, whether by crying or by giving tantrums.

He hates it when we ask him to change his clothes, his pants, take out his old diaper, put on new one, then put on new clothes and pants – there will be tantrums in every single one of them.

*sigh* How tiring!!!

It’s totally fine with me if I am not planning to travel. I believe this is just a phase that every child has to go through in life. I am very sure he will gets over it very soon. But why now????

The worst of all is, Caden seems to look for me more often this days. I have been teaching him to sleep with his nanny (not with me anymore) since around February this year. And it has been successful so far, until last week.

He suddenly asked for me right before he sleep, cried hysterically if he don't gets it, and he wakes up in the middle of the night, crying hysterically, demanding me to sleep next to him for the rest of the night.

I cried last night when he was actually sleeping on top of me (while I am lying down on the bed). He never was like this EVER! He never acted like 'he is going to loose his mom' for the first one year of his life when I sleep on the same bed with him all the time. On the bed, there was always some gap between Caden and I. But now, he is like glue to me when comes to sleep. There has to be a part of our body that touch or else, he would say “mommy mommy,” making sure that I am still next to him. Sometimes he would sleep on top of me for hours.

I cried because I feel that more than anything, he needs me to be beside him to help him go through this stage, but at the same time, I am really looking forward to spent more time with my husband.

I am torn apart.

But I come to a solution that if GOD wants me to go on this trip, there will be something that makes me confident to leave Caden alone for two weeks. And I am sure if GOD wants me to go, he will definately watch over Caden for that two horrible weeks (for me).

AMEN!