hopelessness

I cried so loud in the hospital this morning. ALONE! I was in the state of hopelessness. Mom and Ai keep pressuring me to give Caden formula because they believe Caden’s crying is associated with not enough milk.

I asked the nurses and the breastfeeding consultants and they all say differently. Caden would adjust to my milk supply and the decrease in weight in a couple of days after birth is in within the limit.

[Mom said, the doctor can say anything that she wants but if this is hers, she would give the baby formula…yeah right! *sarcastic tone*]

But the pressure has been so hard on me. With no one to talk to and the closest persons (Ai and Mom) are not agreeing with the doctors and not believing in what I believe, I decided to supplement Caden with formula.

I felt so guilty. I felt that I give Caden the 2nd best, not the very best of all.

But I promise myself to do whatever it takes to increase my milk production. The nurses said, I could pump my milk as often as possible (even when the breasts are empty) because that would tell the breast to produce more.

I do hope my milk will be enough for him soon. Some friends said that they mix formula and breastfeeding for the first few months then when their milk is enough, they would stop the formula. So there here is my new plan! So different from my initial one and very disappointment that it did not go through but I think I just need to be patient and keep prying for more milk production soon.

I can’t wait for the day when it’s only my milk that Caden drink! ^_^

what a coincidence!!

Oma has been very proud that Caden's birthday fall on the same day as her wedding anniversary. For a week before his was born, (almost everyday) oma talked to Caden and told him to wait until the 28th of September to arrive in this world because then they could celebrate it on the same time. haha...

She has been telling EVERY ONE how she was actually told to Caden about it (when he was still in my womb ) and he finally agreed to it. ^_^

It is indeed a surprise for us! Well, Caden may actually really listen to what oma said about having the same special day together.

my first few minutes with mommy....

First thought: "he was so tiny and light.... I gained almost 20kg, where are all the weight goes?" Then I saw this picture and thought: "hahaa...all goes to my body! look at my face...it all huge and swollen!!"
Daddy calledd....he was in the meeting in Taiwan throughout the process....was worried sick...hehehe...poor daddy!!!
First time breastfeeding him!

I have been waiting for this time throughout the pregnacy!

The feeling could not be describe...proud...worried a lot (that my milk is not enough, that the did not latched right and could not suck right, etc...) tired...excited with this new life of mine....hate it because Paul was not there...glad that my mom was there....

The thought was: "If GOD permit (that is if my milk will keep producing), I am definately going to do this for a year!!! GOD help me to always give the very best for my son!"

Grandma's first moment...

Grandma definately proud of Caden!

She tought: "At last I have a male in my family in this cute and tiny creature"
Caden: "Hei grandma....please don't carry me too long!! I am hungry...give me to my mom!!!

First Bath @ 4am

Caden's first bath was on his birth day!! @ 4am!! Yup! In US, all babies has to take a bath no matter how late it is. Caden was hungry and tired so he was crying the whole time. He wanted his milk but this nurse (forget her name!!) bathed him rather than gave him to mommy to be fed! First time hearing Caden cry was magical but at the same time, I want to hugged him and told him that everything was going to be okay...so please don't cry!! The 30 minutes of him being cleaned felt like eternity! I want to hold him pretty bad!

Caden was not given to me right away because right before I was pushing, Caden pupu inside my tummy! hehe... They know this because when the nurse broke my water (using a tool especially for it), the water that was supposed to be clear has greenish color on it. She said, she had to clean him first as it is very dangerous if he actually swollen his own stool....yikesss!!! So right after I delivered, Caden was brought to his examination table and of course grandma went there right awayyyy.....and I could only see from a far...he looked weird...red...bloody...and small....

After he was cleaned and all dressed up (I think the clothes are meant for bigger babiess...it was way too big for him), he was then ready to be fed! And this where I got my first chance to hold my precious one!! yeyyy....

CADEN PHILBERT RAFIULY

@ North Austin Medical Center
Born at 3.43am on Thursday September 28th 2006
Weight: 2.9kg or 6 pounds 3 oz
Length: 46cm or 18 inches
Eyes: Black
Hair: Brown (very thin!! -- Almost hairless ^_^)
Jaudince: Yes (mild one)
Complications: None
Doctor that deliver: Dr. Rosettos
Pediatrician: Ellis Leighton, MD, FAAP @ North Austin Pediatrics
(Referred by: Tienna)

Pregnant and Alone in Austin, Texas

September 3rd 2006, here am I congratulating myself to officially survived 25 days living alone and pregnant in Austin, Texas. Amaze at myself that I handled it pretty well. While I believe by learning things to prepare for my little precious one to come into my life could make me be a better mom, it also gave me activities that makes my days went 'snappy.'

Classes that I took so far:

• Adult, Child, Infant CPR & First Aid in American Red Cross, Austin, Texas (8 hrs) So technically I am a certified CPR and First Aid person.
• Lamaze classes (12.5 hours) This class supposedly guide you to not take any pain medication (if you are up to it) and make labor experience as natural as it can be, but unfortunately, the videos that they showed us makes me more scared about the pain in the labor – though the instructor told a bunch of stuff how to ease the pain.
• Breast-feeding class (2.5 hours) Learned a lot in this class!!! Hope I can do it on my baby soon (not only with the baby doll that they loan us for the duration of the class)
• Labor classes (10.5 hours) Done by my doctor’s office and I like the instructor a lot. She help me answers a lot of my questions.
  Free classes at Baby’s R Us – “Car seat Safety,” “How to be patient as a parent,” “Music and your child,” “Sign Language for your Toddler.”

I thank GOD for the extremely good health and healthy pregnancy so far. By next week, I will be officially 37 weeks pregnant and could have been said to be in a full term pregnancy, which mean….that I could give birth next week and the baby will not be considered to be premature. BUTT…. I do hope that won’t be happening too soon because my mom and a Chinese lady that is going help me after the labor will only be here on the 16th of September.

Among everything else, I am very happy to know that Paul’s company is having a holiday from the 5th – 11th of October and he will be visiting me at that time (of course keeping the “old” plan to come here on the 11th of November too…)…. !!! Yeyyy….. I was so happy; especially when by that time I will be seeing Paul for the 1st time in 2 months – can you imagine?? T W O monthssss!!!! I thought this was impossible to do…but well, I think we will go through it just fine.

I Love you and can’t wait to see you here soon, Paul!!!! :)

5 things to consider to be pregnant again....!!

• ONE: My complexion and hair is better than ever...
  - No pimples at all since the start of pregnancy, seriously NONE, NILL, NADA....
  (Note: I always had pimples since I entered my teenage life....)
  - I always had problem with my hair -- they are really thin but they fall off a lot everyday, but now, NONE...at the most only one hair in a few days...


• TWO: NO vommiting and NO serious mood swings...


• THREE: I could eat anything that I want -- all the fatty stuff; Ice cream, ribs, carbs, etc --- without feeling guilty at all...


• FOUR: People (friends, family and even stranger) treat me better since the beginning of my pregnancy -- I am becoming a spoilt brat...
  - Strangers sometimes offer me seats anywhere, even in a crowded burger place...but I guess that's only happen in US, I don't think people care that much about pregnant women in Asia as in here. ^_^


• FIVE: Feeling pretty (although I am "biggerrr" noww..) and more confident...
  

After going through an easy pregnancy (Thank you, Lord!!!), I just hope that my labor, which is in about a month away, will be as easy as my pregnancy is. I hope I will be able to handle it courageously and calmly with or without my husband next to me. I am still worried that I could not be a good parent to him but I think by leaving it to God and trust fully it HIM, I can do everything!!! ^_^

"I can do everything through Christ who strengtheneth me..." Philipians 4:13.

==>@ Boudin, Fisherman Whaft - San Francisco - August 1st 2006 @ 30 weeks prengnant and had gained 10 kg/22 pounds.

Its a Boy Boy Boy!!!!

Don't know what to expect...never had any ultrasound done before but very very excited to know the gender of the baby so that I could start shoppingg....yeyyyy.....I was hoping it's going to be a girl -- just because girls' stuffs are cuter --- Paul wanted a boy because he believes that 1st child is better to be a boy. "Well, we'll see what happens," I said.

So Paul took half day off...I told him that he HAD to accompany me to this doctor appointment. So here we go, 1.30pm on the way to the doctor apointment. On the way there we just realized that I forgot to eat an ice-cream -- one of our friends told us to eat ice cream before an ultrasound so that the baby will keep moving (sugar high, I guess...hehehe) and we will be able to see the gender. Afraid to be late for the appointment, we quickly stopped at the nearby supermarket and ate the ice cream in the car on the way to the hospital.

We waited for 10 minutes then it was my time to have an ultrasound. The room was filled with 2 monitors and something look like a big computer with a lot of big and unfamiliar buttons. The nurse came and told me to lay down and she put warm gel on me and start the screening.... After a few minutes the magic words were out --- the nurse asked if we wanted to know the gender? We said "YES, definately!!!" Both Paul and I don't like surprises too much...we want to know so that we could prepare more based on the gender (you know, the names, clothes to buy, color of everything...). Then she said "Congratulations...IT'S A BOY...!!!" Paul was thrilled while I was thinking, "there goes my ribbons and cute pink dresses..." After I went home, I realized that I should be glad for whatever GOD has given to me --- in this case HE gave me a heatlhy and (I am very sure) handsome son to us ---- that is more important than anything in the world. OK, now we just need to find the perfect name to our perfect son.... :)

Update:
2nd Ultrasound is on June 20th 2006 -- in Singapore with Dr. Lim
3rd Ultrasound is on July 20th 2006 -- 3D/4D -- in San Francisco, CA
******both confirm that the baby is a healthy BOY!!!******

My First Pregnancy...

January 25th 2006 was the day that know that I am pregnant (SHOCKED!!!).

Here is the full story:

It was already more than 2 years since we were married. There were times that Paul and I have discussions about having a child but the discussions always ended up without any decision. We both were not sure if we were ready physically and emotionally. Although our parents always telling us that it is better for a couple to have kids as young as possible, we were very happy living alone together – just the two of us.

Without us realizing that there was already a conception occurs in my body, in the middle of January 2006 we agreed to try to have a child ‘half-heartedly’ --- again not too sure if that was the right time for us to have one. At the same time, I was looking for an OB-GYN in the area so that I could ask the opinion of an expert everything about pre-conception. So, I made an appointment with a doctor on January 25, 2006 just to have talk and have her to answers to my questions. I went in to the doctor office and a friendly nurse greeted me. She asked me a few general questions:

Nurse: “Are you married and sexually active?”
Me: “Yes”
Nurse: “Do you think you are pregnant?”
Me: “Definitely not! We are kind of trying, though”
Nurse: “Do you want to check if you are pregnant?”
Me: “Today? Hmm…okay…why not…”

Later the nurse took a pregnancy test and told me to go to the bathroom and pee on it. A lot of things were going on in my mind. Although I am pretty sure that the answer is not going to be positive, I was hoping that it would. After I was done, the nurse told me to wait in one of the room for the doctor to come in while she checked on the results of the pregnancy test. Inside the room, I was more determined that the answers should be negative -- there is no way it could be positive. In about 3 minutes the nurse came in again with a big smile on her face and with a loud voice (I think everyone in the entire room heard it) said, “It’s positive…you are pregnant. Congratulations, Mom!!!” For a few moments I was shocked and could not say anything, then the words started to digest in my mind and I smiled back, asking her if that was true and demanded a proof – she showed me the results and told me to take it home for souvenir. I was laughing so hard….

I called Paul right away for 5 times but he did not answer it. I know he must be in a meetingg… ”How could he be in a meeting at this time?” I thought.

Paul and I thank God for HIS opportunity to trust us to be parents of a child. We knew if it was not because of GOD's plan for us, definitely the pregnancy test would not be positive -- we are always so careful about it. Although we know that this will not be an easy route, we believe with God’s help and our determination, we both could be wonderful parents for the baby or babies to come. ^_^