hopelessness

I cried so loud in the hospital this morning. ALONE! I was in the state of hopelessness. Mom and Ai keep pressuring me to give Caden formula because they believe Caden’s crying is associated with not enough milk.

I asked the nurses and the breastfeeding consultants and they all say differently. Caden would adjust to my milk supply and the decrease in weight in a couple of days after birth is in within the limit.

[Mom said, the doctor can say anything that she wants but if this is hers, she would give the baby formula…yeah right! *sarcastic tone*]

But the pressure has been so hard on me. With no one to talk to and the closest persons (Ai and Mom) are not agreeing with the doctors and not believing in what I believe, I decided to supplement Caden with formula.

I felt so guilty. I felt that I give Caden the 2nd best, not the very best of all.

But I promise myself to do whatever it takes to increase my milk production. The nurses said, I could pump my milk as often as possible (even when the breasts are empty) because that would tell the breast to produce more.

I do hope my milk will be enough for him soon. Some friends said that they mix formula and breastfeeding for the first few months then when their milk is enough, they would stop the formula. So there here is my new plan! So different from my initial one and very disappointment that it did not go through but I think I just need to be patient and keep prying for more milk production soon.

I can’t wait for the day when it’s only my milk that Caden drink! ^_^

what a coincidence!!

Oma has been very proud that Caden's birthday fall on the same day as her wedding anniversary. For a week before his was born, (almost everyday) oma talked to Caden and told him to wait until the 28th of September to arrive in this world because then they could celebrate it on the same time. haha...

She has been telling EVERY ONE how she was actually told to Caden about it (when he was still in my womb ) and he finally agreed to it. ^_^

It is indeed a surprise for us! Well, Caden may actually really listen to what oma said about having the same special day together.

my first few minutes with mommy....

First thought: "he was so tiny and light.... I gained almost 20kg, where are all the weight goes?" Then I saw this picture and thought: "hahaa...all goes to my body! look at my face...it all huge and swollen!!"
Daddy calledd....he was in the meeting in Taiwan throughout the process....was worried sick...hehehe...poor daddy!!!
First time breastfeeding him!

I have been waiting for this time throughout the pregnacy!

The feeling could not be describe...proud...worried a lot (that my milk is not enough, that the did not latched right and could not suck right, etc...) tired...excited with this new life of mine....hate it because Paul was not there...glad that my mom was there....

The thought was: "If GOD permit (that is if my milk will keep producing), I am definately going to do this for a year!!! GOD help me to always give the very best for my son!"

Grandma's first moment...

Grandma definately proud of Caden!

She tought: "At last I have a male in my family in this cute and tiny creature"
Caden: "Hei grandma....please don't carry me too long!! I am hungry...give me to my mom!!!

First Bath @ 4am

Caden's first bath was on his birth day!! @ 4am!! Yup! In US, all babies has to take a bath no matter how late it is. Caden was hungry and tired so he was crying the whole time. He wanted his milk but this nurse (forget her name!!) bathed him rather than gave him to mommy to be fed! First time hearing Caden cry was magical but at the same time, I want to hugged him and told him that everything was going to be okay...so please don't cry!! The 30 minutes of him being cleaned felt like eternity! I want to hold him pretty bad!

Caden was not given to me right away because right before I was pushing, Caden pupu inside my tummy! hehe... They know this because when the nurse broke my water (using a tool especially for it), the water that was supposed to be clear has greenish color on it. She said, she had to clean him first as it is very dangerous if he actually swollen his own stool....yikesss!!! So right after I delivered, Caden was brought to his examination table and of course grandma went there right awayyyy.....and I could only see from a far...he looked weird...red...bloody...and small....

After he was cleaned and all dressed up (I think the clothes are meant for bigger babiess...it was way too big for him), he was then ready to be fed! And this where I got my first chance to hold my precious one!! yeyyy....

CADEN PHILBERT RAFIULY

@ North Austin Medical Center
Born at 3.43am on Thursday September 28th 2006
Weight: 2.9kg or 6 pounds 3 oz
Length: 46cm or 18 inches
Eyes: Black
Hair: Brown (very thin!! -- Almost hairless ^_^)
Jaudince: Yes (mild one)
Complications: None
Doctor that deliver: Dr. Rosettos
Pediatrician: Ellis Leighton, MD, FAAP @ North Austin Pediatrics
(Referred by: Tienna)

Pregnant and Alone in Austin, Texas

September 3rd 2006, here am I congratulating myself to officially survived 25 days living alone and pregnant in Austin, Texas. Amaze at myself that I handled it pretty well. While I believe by learning things to prepare for my little precious one to come into my life could make me be a better mom, it also gave me activities that makes my days went 'snappy.'

Classes that I took so far:

• Adult, Child, Infant CPR & First Aid in American Red Cross, Austin, Texas (8 hrs) So technically I am a certified CPR and First Aid person.
• Lamaze classes (12.5 hours) This class supposedly guide you to not take any pain medication (if you are up to it) and make labor experience as natural as it can be, but unfortunately, the videos that they showed us makes me more scared about the pain in the labor – though the instructor told a bunch of stuff how to ease the pain.
• Breast-feeding class (2.5 hours) Learned a lot in this class!!! Hope I can do it on my baby soon (not only with the baby doll that they loan us for the duration of the class)
• Labor classes (10.5 hours) Done by my doctor’s office and I like the instructor a lot. She help me answers a lot of my questions.
  Free classes at Baby’s R Us – “Car seat Safety,” “How to be patient as a parent,” “Music and your child,” “Sign Language for your Toddler.”

I thank GOD for the extremely good health and healthy pregnancy so far. By next week, I will be officially 37 weeks pregnant and could have been said to be in a full term pregnancy, which mean….that I could give birth next week and the baby will not be considered to be premature. BUTT…. I do hope that won’t be happening too soon because my mom and a Chinese lady that is going help me after the labor will only be here on the 16th of September.

Among everything else, I am very happy to know that Paul’s company is having a holiday from the 5th – 11th of October and he will be visiting me at that time (of course keeping the “old” plan to come here on the 11th of November too…)…. !!! Yeyyy….. I was so happy; especially when by that time I will be seeing Paul for the 1st time in 2 months – can you imagine?? T W O monthssss!!!! I thought this was impossible to do…but well, I think we will go through it just fine.

I Love you and can’t wait to see you here soon, Paul!!!! :)